Chasing Rainbows after a Storm

January. The month in which almost everyone starts fresh, starts anew. A month of beginnings, declarations, and (sometimes) empty promises. My birthday month, which for me, means a good bit of happiness. Most social media feeds are filled with posts about people choosing a word that they are going to live up to for the year.
I remember it like it was yesterday. I didn’t make a formal declaration, but I promised myself that I would find my voice that year. A friend lovingly told me only a few months before that because of my personality, people were going to take advantage of me. I resolved to put an end to that.
What I didn’t know was that the events of the next eight weeks would literally define what it feels like to stand up for yourself and find your voice.
In my area of the country, January is one of those months where the promises of Spring collide with even colder temps to the point where one begins to wonder if we will ever thaw out. That January, I wasn’t looking for any and every sign of Spring. I was looking for and learning how to deal with a stalker.
The details are long and not really relevant, as the ending is and will always be the same: I was stalked by someone I considered a friend. I didn’t even realize right away that I was being stalked. And not only was I being stalked- I was being lied to, manipulated by, and isolated from our common acquaintances. Thankfully, the only physical toll that I experienced was a nice deep panic attack and the loss of sleep for a few nights. I am very lucky and grateful that it wasn’t much, much worse. However, the physical toll wasn’t the only one that I experienced. This affected me mentally, emotionally, and socially. I was constantly looking over my shoulder, afraid that this person would just pop up in my space. In all honesty, I felt more anxious when I was avoiding the person than I did while they were stalking me. It took me speaking up for myself, saying enough is enough, and asking for help from more than one person for it to end. I will forever be indebted to those who helped me end that situation, and for their swift and firm response. However, it took awhile for me to stop thinking that those who helped me saw me as weak because of that situation.
Throughout all of this, I learned that I don’t have to shoulder things alone. It’s ok to need help and to ask for it when it’s needed. I learned that finding my voice is a wonderful and powerful thing, but alas, with great power comes great responsibility. I had to choose my words and actions very carefully. When I spoke up and asked for help, I was initially presented with two options. I thought about it and chose the option that I would want that person to choose if our roles had been reversed. It seemed like the right thing to do. And once it was all over, that meant that as much as I wanted to follow the trends of putting this person who wronged me on blast on social media, I had to make another choice: Blast them and spend ten years in a court fight over libel allegations, or I could choose peace. I chose peace. Peace for myself, peace for everyone else this person victimized (and yes there were a few others), peace for everyone who helped me put an end to this situation. And hopefully, peace for the other person. That sounds strange, but honestly, unless that person has found or finds peace, someone else out there will be going through what I went through or worse. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Choosing peace has helped me to see that you can go through the storm and come out the other side stronger, wiser, and better. You can let your voice be heard and be listened to. You can point out when wrongdoing is taking place, and enact change. Positive outcomes can come from negative beginnings, if you just have the courage to speak up and ask for help.
I would be lying if I said that in those harrowing moments I didn’t wish for something horrible to happen to that person because that would be what society has deemed appropriate justice. However, I eventually came to realize that Karma works on its own timeline. It will happen when it happens, not when I want it to happen. In the meantime, I will choose to be peaceful and hope that the other person has found peace as well.