Tears rolled down my face as I realized for the first time that I had to take accountability for the parts I played in the heartache, grief and disappointment I had experienced in my life.

For the ones I loved, I had always been willing to show up at the drop of a dime. Even overlook my self to be of service to others and when it wasn’t reciprocated it devastated me. Often I wondered why I wasn’t good enough to be treated as I had treated others? Why was my passion for people draining me? Why wasn’t I valued as I valued others? As these thoughts plagued my mind; I had never felt fulfilled but yet I still gave of myself; even if it was just fumes of hope and perseverance.

As I lay one morning, spiritually empty and struggling to understand the purpose for my life and the unbalanced return of my goodness. I heard a faint laugh followed by a voice that questioned me. “Do you know why you continue to be disappointed by (hu)man?” I sat clueless, speechless and puzzled and God answered, “Because you put your expectations in everyone except me!” The realization had smacked me dead in the face! I had totally disregarded God by not trusting HIM to be whom he said HE IS, HAS BEEN AND WILL BE! I hadn’t leaned on him, yet I had expected from others, what I needed; not what they were able or capable to give. Neither had I took the time to see if they were knowledgeable of how to give it.

For example, when I needed and wanted love; I picked and set upon individuals my expectations on how, when, where and what I wanted that love to look like. I was completely unaware or either I totally disregarded if they even knew how to love; what love was; when to show it or express it.

God showed me in that moment that I had put more faith in his creation than HIM, THE CREATOR. How crazy was I to do that? I had been putting him last to depend on, consult with and follow. I had unconsciously considered (hu)man to be more fulfilling to me than God and that’s why I had felt so empty.

From that day I stepped out the way and asked God to be God! I have never put a human before him again. I trust him with all of me and every aspect of my life. And in return he has granted me some of my greatest desires and the greatest of them all is MY PEACE. It wasn’t until I begin to trust him did I discover it had laid dormant in me the entire time, I just had to release it.