My name is Charles, and I’m a 35-year-old single father and U.S. Air Force veteran living in the Midwest, USA. Throughout my life, I have suffered and watched those around me suffer greatly. The anguish of my life came in the forms of abuse, neglect, mental illness, poverty, and later, failed relationships and addiction. These experiences taught me a lot about life that I had been ignorant of, and had I realized then what I’m about to explain to you now, I believe my life may have had a different trajectory altogether.
I spent many years in my early twenties lamenting my childhood and shaking my fist at all those who had tormented me. These kinds of negative ruminations led to chronic anxiety, depression, and substance abuse issues that would nearly destroy me. It caused me to hate myself and to hate all of you. I wish I could say I had some sort of grand epiphany and my life was fixed overnight, but that isn’t so. It didn’t come quickly, nor was it easy. It looked more like prolonged physical and emotional pain stretched out for more than a decade. But slowly I was drip-fed the wisdom required to maintain a decent existence, and I hope to share that with you here.

First and foremost, I came to realize that I had no other choice but to forgive those who had mistreated, betrayed, and persecuted me throughout my life. Not necessarily for their sake, maybe not for their sake at all, but to alleviate my own misery. It became apparent to me that, in their absence, I had become my abuser. It was I who was continuing the cycle of abuse and perpetrating it on myself. So, the first thing I would like you to know is that forgiveness is key. Regardless of how much it hurts, you must forgive your antagonist to reconcile your past. Then focus on the present moment and remain there as much as you possibly can. Don’t wallow in the past or create anxieties for the future. Use all your senses to be present in every way imaginable. There is only one moment, and it’s this moment right here.

Then we must realize that the conditions of our lives are a direct reflection of our own choices. That is, if we make good decisions now, it will produce a good life for us later. A life in which we have the freedom of choice and the opportunity to be of service to others. If we spend our lives making poor choices, our lives will be self-centered and only concerned with fixing the damage we’ve done to ourselves. This seems so very simple and, on the nose, yet it can be one of the hardest things to incorporate into your life. Especially with the tug and pull of emotions when you’re tangled up in other people’s lives and subject to their needs and desires.

Lastly, but most importantly, you must try to understand the perspectives of others and always act in kindness in everything you do. We are truly incapable of understanding what other people are going through at any given moment. We can’t fully understand who they are, the customs of the culture they come from, or what kind of pain they are grappling with, but we can try. We can try to be patient, we can try to be understanding, and we can try and open our hearts to allow for moments of compassion. The characteristics used to divide one another are illusory and of little significance. We only need to act with kindness and approach situations in life with an open mind. We should never allow television or social media to twist our minds and lead us into hating our neighbor. Because we are them, and they are us. So, dig deep and find the strength to treat one another with the same love, respect, and empathy that you wish to receive. Because we only have each other.