’ve always craved to be chosen, loved, and finally be a main character.
Behind every screaming fit, behind every sharp retort, I crumbled at the thought of it,
The desire settled itself so deep within my stomach that It eventually became one with my soul leaving me a floating spirit filled with nothing but longing.
I’ve always craved to be understood, for my jokes to be taken as jokes,
For my cries to be heard, for my stories to be admired, I’ve always been one to desire so much,
A pitiful child with no hand to hold and no one to lean on,
A lonely child.

I always fell asleep with a tear-stained face,
Wishing on stars and praying to empty skies that seem to taunt me.
For less time, for people, for money, a face, a body, a mother.
I’ve always been a soul craving for more from when I was birthed and thrust into the world.
Craving warm, strong hands and validation.
My dreams seemed to slip from my grasp every time, with every shout, with every lash, with every punishment,
I slipped deeper and deeper into a pit of my mind, lost and alone.

I wandered for a while in the dark, making friends with the void and lingering in the nothing.
I found safety in it no matter how devoid of warmth it was I felt wanted and as if nothing could ever touch me no matter how strong and no matter how powerful.
I let myself roam for a while until one day I got tired of the same blank spaces and empty feelings that made the days I lived something I’d rather not experience.

I let myself wander a bit more but farther away where I slowly began to see the walls lighten and my mind clear,
I held my hand and I hugged myself more, I tended to the cuts that littered my skin and the wounds that littered my mind.
I wavered sometimes, shaking so violently it was enough to make me vomit, but I didn’t, I swallowed my feelings and I swallowed my doubt.
I always thought my dreams were just dreams, that it wasn’t possible to be happy anymore, and that I’d never be enough.
But with every step I took, every hit I took I felt myself becoming lighter, transforming into something I’d never think I’d be.

I took the reins over my mind, over my life.
I became the first person to choose me.

Now I sit in clear waters and make friends with the trees,
Now I wander more than ever but this time I explore with a newfound lightness and desire to be the one to love others,
To help, to change, to be a guiding lightest.

I became my dream in the end,
I became all that I could ever want so I could give myself that and more.

Dreams are not just dreams.