Oh sweet girl,

If you only knew the future, you’d see that you worry so unnecessarily. You kneel at your bedside each night and pray that you’ll feel whole. You pray that you find love and your purpose. You pray that the next day will be better than the current one. Yet you wake up and you face the same toxicity in the world. You hear words of venom and hatred. You hear the sound of your momma crying as she is once again slapped around. You still hurt and you’re still fearful about the day. Everything scares you and you wonder if others feel this way. You fear you’re the only one who is consumed with feeling loved and purposeful and at peace.
As you grow into a teenager, thing get more complicated, and you look for love in arms of a man who had only his best interest at heart. You keep kneeling at night for guidance and answers, and you still wake with an ache that almost seems unbearable some days. It’s here in your darkest time that you find your purpose.
You finally meet and fall in love with someone who loves you for you. Someone who looks at you in pure amazement. You’ll finally be needed and wanted. You’ll always be their first choice. You’ll be someone’s everything and that someone will call you momma. Those around you will say you’re too young for this responsibility and some will even turn their back and leave. During this time, you’ll see everything else in the world is so irrelevant outside of the two of you. You’ll always have her and she will forever have you. There will be nothing in this world you can’t conquer for her. You’ll laugh together, sing together, hell sometimes even cry together but most importantly you’ll learn and grow together.
You’ll become everything you’ve ever wanted to be as a person and more because you know despite the circumstances surrounding her birth, she deserves a momma she can be proud of. That’s who you’ll be. That is your purpose. A couple of years later you’ll give her three brothers and a little sister. More people are leaving now too. But you all have each other. You realize you can’t control what happens to you in your life, who will leave or how they choose to leave but you can control how you react to it. You show them grace, You show them peace, you show them strength and you show them that purpose looks different for everyone so that one day they can understand theirs.
As you continue on this journey, you’ll see that all those nights praying were answered the day God made you a momma. The days with so many little ones seem long at first but they are filled with love, laughter and a ton of memories. You will blink one day and 22 years will have gone by. You’ll still kneel at night and thank God for this life and just as you get to a point where you can confidently say life does not get any better than this, you realize… one day someone will call you Mamaw.
Love Always,
Your Biggest Fan