Dear Little me,

If you asked yourself what you love most about yourself, you’d have to search long and far for the answers and I’m afraid you may not ever find an answer. So instead I’ll ask the me today, what do I love most about you- I love how resilient you are. Your ability to keep living through the darkest times of your life. You were unseen and in the shadows, but you still showed up despite the overshadow. You seemed to have always known deep within that something would eventually change. Although minute after minute, day after day, month after month, year after year that shadow just appeared to get darker and darker. I love that you always had a voice and used it. That voice- it might’ve been snobby. In fact, the label you obtained along the way and eventually decided to own- ‘miss attitude’ was accurate, you had every reason to be exactly who you were. You used your voice the best way you knew how. I love that you found an outlet in writing, although along the way you lost your light due to extreme darkness. Writing is how I found my way back to you so trust me when I say that too is ok. The absence just made your heart grow fonder. I love that although you missed your daddy, you always had a deep knowing that one day you’d meet him again and that everything would eventually be ok. You subconsciously knew this, how did you know is still a tale to be told- BUT I LOVE THAT ABOUT YOU. I love how you love despite your pains, you fought to stay alive even in the moments you thought everyone would be better off without you. You fought the inner dialogue of negative thoughts that played in your mind like a playlist of your favorite songs. You still fought. You fought through being silent about being sexually abused in your most innocent years of life. You were 5 years old babydoll, how did you carry that for 20 years alone? You have no idea how proud of you I am because you not only fought that tough battle girl, you’re a heavy-weight champ. One day you have to tell the world how you made it through that battle alive. Your resilience is unbelievable, indescribable, untouchable, and most of all admirable. I’m proud of you for fighting through because just like you needed me, I needed you. I’ve only become who I am today because of you Karyll. Because of you, I am strong. I am resilient. I’m untouchable. Because of you, I believe in myself without the need for external validation. It’s actually because of you that I know what true unconditional love feels like. Because of you, I am the woman who would hold you so tight and never let you go. I’ve become that woman that would have protected you. I’ve become that woman who would be able to see you and hear your silence. I’ve become that woman who could love you despite your attitude. I became the woman who could love you- despite the dark grey clouds that created the darkest shadows over what should have been your most innocent years. Because of you, I am ‘really Karyll’. I thank you in ways that this lifetime could not extend to. I love you. I’m proud of you. You are beautiful. I love and adore your entire existence. Thank you for never giving up on us.

– Sincerely, Really Karyll