Title: Ignorance is Bliss

“Ignorance is bliss”. That’s a term I learned back in high school, but I never fully understood its meaning.
How can uncertainty ever have a positive connotation to it?
Looking back at my childhood, it hits me. Ignorance was the innocence and the optimism I would now deem as arrogance, making it all so blissful.
I would do anything to have that level of arrogance again without the anxiety or rage constantly looming over me as it does today.
Before all of the abuse, heartbreaks, and self-deprecation, there lies a child so full of life that death itself is nothing but a mere shadow.
Everything had beauty and the world was a plaster of saturated colors on a canvas.
Making friends was almost second nature to me even the convenience store owner just down the street was also a friend and I never used to fear strolling down the bustling streets compared to today; where simply walking across the street puts a lump in my throat because stalking, harassment and the fear of men is the new reality I live in.
Birthdays were fiestas where nearly the entire town would celebrate along with us. Compared to now, I wouldn’t even know who to invite because my circle of friends deviated into a table for two. and weekends spent by the river or playing with the neighborhood kids have transformed into errands and second jobs.
Most of all, I miss the ignorance. The unbothered boosts of energy that once enabled me to run barefoot through tall grass without the fear of snakes, climb trees without the fear of falling, dance without the fear of judgments, and declare my love without the fear of heartbreaks.
Regardless of the unforgiving new circumstances, I’ve developed a resilience that protects the innocence of the child that lies within and I know still exists.
She is kind, generous, and playful though coated with trauma, rage, and maturity that ironically protects it.