Dear John,
I remember the day we met. The shady pool hall in the middle of nowhere. You were at the table next to me. You were loud, crude and extremely obnoxious. We were both 18 although I was far more mature. You approached me with such confidence though, and there was something about you. From that day on we were inseperable. We had so much fun. So much laughter. Those became, and still are the best years of my life. Then you told me you were going into the military with the hopes of becoming a firefighter. I was shocked and hurt. I felt betrayed. But you went, and I stayed with a broken heart. Your letters came daily though. I remember you called me from Spain. You were in a sniper tower and you wanted my voice to be the last one you heard in case something happened to you. I remember my grandfather telling me one day “there is a Marine out front looking for you.” I looked out the window with confusion as I didn’t know who it was. It was you. A hundred pounds lighter. Serious, strong and very….military. We were inseparable again. This time was so different. No laughter. We barely spoke when we were together. I remember we would go every Sunday and watch the planes land in total silence. You deployed several times after that. The letters still frequently, but few words. When you returned the last time you said “I love you, buy I’m different now. I can’t be with you.” I was devestated. Over time communication was almost none other than a few Facebook exchanges. We grew up. Moved on. I heard you became a firefighter and I was so happy for you, but sad I didn’t get to see it. I remember driving home one day and I got a call. Your friend simply said ” Andrea, John has died.” I dropped the phone and missed my exit. I don’t remember how I got home. I then learned you died in a fire doing what you loved. You were now a hero to others although you were always mine. I wanted to thank you for inspiring me to be better. To be stronger, to take risks. If I come to a cross road I always ask myself what you would do. What you would tell me. You have inspired me in so many ways, but sadly I never got to tell you. Even through the heartache and sadness you remained my biggest inspiration. I still read our Facebook messages from years ago that I saved. I still look at your Facebook to see your son, your words and your face. Thank you for coming up to me in that pool hall. It changed my life for the better and for that I’m eternally grateful.
With love,
Andrea