Dear mom,

I am so sorry I wrote a letter to dad before I took the time to write to you

You used to say I would put him on a pedestal, I guess in a way, that was true

See as a kid, I don’t think I realized the value of the unconditional love that you would show me

Because I was too busy chasing after someone who never even took the time to get to know me

But you mom, you always made me feel safe, I always felt like I was enough, and I never feared you would leave me

And for me, it was important to have someone in my life to make me feel that way, because outside of you those feelings were uncommon, believe me

So I think back now and I wonder? Why didn’t I take the time to show you how much you meant to me. It hurts that I didn’t show you more appreciation.

I remember so many things about you; there were so many things you did for me. I mean you always would put me first, without any hesitation.

So when I think back two months before you passed, I recall sitting on the edge of your bed in the nursing facility before my flight home. As I hugged you goodbye, you asked me a heartbreaking question…

You asked, “Did I do a good job as your mom?” At that instant, I felt so much regret and guilt that it literally pained me. I mean you of all people should never be second guessin’

I answered you of course and said, “You were the best mom a son could ask for.” But at that moment, all I wanted was more time. Time to travel back and be more present and connected.

Time to say, “Yes,” when you used to ask me to come downstairs and watch TV with you, instead of constantly leaving you rejected.

A chance to hug you tighter and longer than you hugged me, instead of that half ass teenage boy hug I would give you

A chance to allow you to give me a kiss on the cheek, whether I was in front of my friends or not. Matter of fact instead of just one kiss, you could give two.

An opportunity to say, “Thank you for protecting me.” While you may have been a wee bit overprotective. I always felt safe in your presence; you were a fucking mama bear

I just want to tell you, “Mom, you are beautiful.” From your sincere eyes, to your infectious laugh, that I don’t give a fuck swagger, and your curly red hair.

Time make you dinner, clean the whole damn house and the yard. It’s the least I could do; I mean you worked two jobs for nearly 14 years straight.

Time to buy myself a new suit, buy you a new dress, and treat the woman who loved me no matter what, to a fancy dinner and a mother/son date

Time, mom, now that it was time to say goodbye, I selfishly wanted more time. But it was time for me to catch my flight. I can hear you saying one more time, “It’s okay baby. I know you loved me and I just wanted you to be happy. That’s all.”

I thought I would always have the time mom, and then I didn’t. Poof, I lost my hero, the best mom a son could ask for. I wish I would have taken advantage of the time before I got that last call.

So now that your restin’, and second guessin’, I need you to know, without question, you were an incredible mother

You were my mom, my dad, my friend, my protector; you were like no other

Love,

Your Baby Boy

P.S. When my boys get sick, I make sure I rub their backs just like you would rub mine

You don’t have to worry about a thing mom, I had an amazing role model, so me and your grandbabies, we’ll be just fine