A letter in memory of my dad…The Things I Carry

Several years ago, our youngest son, Aaron was required to write an essay for his English class entitled, “The Things I Carry”…I remember being intrigued by the topic of his essay. This particular essay focused on the physical objects he carried in his backpack, his wallet, and then also the objects that cluttered his truck. He was also required to write about the collection of memories that were important to him. Years later, I find myself reflecting on my dad’s life and the “things” I carry, along with the memories that I have about my life with my father.

On April 10, 2010, I said my final goodbyes to my dad. Later that week, I stood up and shared what I believed to be important memories of my dad. I spoke about his love of sailing at the Afterbay at Lake Oroville, California, his love of sailing on his favorite Northern California lake–Lake Almanor, and his love of sailing the ocean blue…so true. I spoke about his love of taking his girls up to Lake Almanor–fishing, sailing, staying at our PG & E cabin, and just the joy of being a family. I also shared that I will also carry in my memories because of my dad:
~the fact he loved each family member unconditionally
~his love of blue Ford Mustangs…both convertibles and hardtops
~his love of backyard birds
~his ability to accept you for who you are
~the connection I feel to his birthplace, Orland, California, and our family that still lives there
~his love of a-monds, not All-minds
~his love of black licorice and jujubes
~the joy he received from the births of each of his 13 grandchildren
~his determination to conserve energy; always reminding us to turn off all the lights in the room when leaving
~his dedication to his job with Pacific Gas and Electric
~his love of his Caspar Beach vacation spot in Mendocino
~his desire to be a successful a-mond farmer
~his willingness to help the family out when in need
~the dedication he had to help his Uncle Bill out while his uncle fought terminal cancer
~his love of breakfast–early morning trips to Jack’s Restaurant or the Cozy Diner..sometimes accompanied by a family member or not
~his love of books and reading newspapers….many newspapers.
~my dad’s ability to be calm and cool under pressure
~his collection of boxes of things…carrying them from home to home…and now how his girls do the same thing.

I now think about the things I carry in memory of my dad…what I do carry may not be objects that my dad possessed, but what I carry is the essence of what a good person he was…there may have been challenges in our lifetime–issues that never got resolved, words that were never spoken, feelings that were never expressed, but for today, I am choosing to honor the man who I remember at age 11–the man who cuddled me and protected me from the flying monkeys and the Wicked Witch of the West. The things I carry about my father’s memory, I’ve discovered are not just the big moments in life, but those moments that if not paying attention, may just be a whisper away…I miss you Dad–every day.