I FELL IN LOVE

This year threw me for a loop. In a way that I never imagined. I fell inlove hard. I fell inlove in a way I never imagined I could. I fell inlove with myself. I fell inlove with the way that I love. I fell inlove with the way that I walk. I fell inlove with the way that I talk. I fell inlove with the way that I think. I fell in love. So inlove that I didnt know what to do with myself at times. I fell inlove with healing. I fell in love with being. I fell in love with crying my pain away. I fell inlove with the breakthroughs. I fell inlove with leaning on you. I fell and I fell and I fell. I fell inlove with being by myself. I fell inlove with making decisions for myself. I fell inlove with saying what I needed to say even when I was a little scared. I fell inlove with the process. I fell inlove with the progress. I fell inlove with the fact that I wasn’t perfect. I fell inlove. I fell inlove with patience. I fell inlove with kindness. I fell inlove with everything around me. See, I finally fell inlove with me.

It’s crazy to think how many times I put you aside. And how many times I was angry with you. And how many times I beat you up mentally. And how many times I neglected you. It’s crazy to think how many times I hated you. And how many times I thought less of you. And how many times I didn’t listen to you. You’ve never left my side, and still I never put you first. You always had my back and yet I never had yours. I left you for everyone else at some point in time, and still you were always there when I needed you. You showed me the true meaning of being. And the true meaning of seeing. You showed me what it was like to listen to someone without judgement, because you always listened to me.

How many times did I sit on my floor hugging a pillow and crying out to you? How many times did I look in the mirror and not recognize all that I was and all that I was becoming? How many times did I waiver from all that you had already taught me, all because I was confused? How many times did I let others tell you what you needed to do instead of just listening to you? How many times, how many times, how many times?

I’m in awe of you.
See, Your brilliance is refreshing
And, Your beauty is astonishing.
Your mind is remarkable.
And your love is everlasting.

So yes, this year threw me for a loop. In a way I never imagined. I fell so inlove that all I could see was heart eyes in that light shade of brown. So inlove that all I could hear was the Bronx in every syllable. So inlove that all I could smell was the perfume that lingered on the pillow. So inlove that I saw you everywhere I was and everywhere I was going. So inlove that I memorized how you take your coffee in the morning. So inlove that I wrote your name all over my notebooks. And so inlove that I imagined building a home with you and for you. So inlove that people thought I was lost in the sauce. So inlove that I checked for you daily. So inlove that I checked on you daily. I fell so inlove with me.