I would often hear people follow up a story of generational curses, uncontrolled emotions, disturbing behavior, and unimaginable situations with, “hurt people, hurt people.” I often wondered is that where the story ends? Later in life that statement would sound to me like an excuse. Same as when you hear people say “You know how they are.”

Now at 41, both statements make me cringe as I realize they are just words put together to hinder whomever that hurt person is. I once was a hurt person, unintentionally becoming every bit of the hurt I was complaining about feeling. It was a slap in the face to see that some of the things that hurt me as a child, I had recycled into my own life.

As a child, I struggled in the area of emotions, often time crying when I couldn’t understand certain feelings within me. Appearing on the outside a little off with the constant change of emotions, I found myself displaying anger when I felt vulnerable, weak, or afraid. It had become my defense until I realized I had become a very impatient parent, lashing out at my children when they expressed their true emotions.

I had become the person who didn’t take the time to listen; who was too overwhelmed to care; too quick to shut down and off and too emotionally distant to be the mother my kids needed me to be.

In 2021 I had to face the little girl in me who had thrown temper tantrums when she was hurt; and had shut down when she couldn’t probably process her emotions. I never took the time to be understanding of others when needed. I saw the hurt in my kids’ eyes for the first time and felt what my hurt was doing to them and I knew then they deserved the best version of me, not the generational curses. It was at that moment that I decided that if hurt people could hurt people, HEALED people could HEAL people and I’ve been on the journey ever since.