Dear Time

You are a thief. That might seem harsh, and maybe a little irrational. I admit that you have given me some of my greatest moments. My wedding day, and the birth of my four beautiful children are just to name a few. Despite what I have been given you have also robbed me. I can’t say that it’s all your fault, but it’s easier to blame others than be accountable for our own lack of action.

During the course of day I wonder if there is ever enough time to complete all that needs to be accomplished. How is it possible that sixty seconds turn into a minute, sixty minutes turn in to an hour, 24 hours turn into a whole day. Gone! Poof! Just like that! Of course, that isn’t the case when I am working. You slow your roll. It’s like honey dripping from a spoon, slow and sticky. Yet, when the workday is finally complete, the large hands on the clock spin out of control. It’s just not fair.

Some say that time is your friend, others say it’s your worst enemy. I guess time is what you make of it. How do you get the most out of the time we have? Are you in control or am I just looking for someone or something to blame? I reflect on that rhetorical question. I was just seventeen when my mom died of cancer. I had a short amount of time to learn from her and love her. My husband and I married just shortly after her passing. We were married for ten years before we had our first of four kids. Ten years to develop a plan, build a nest egg, get prepared for raising a family. We did none of those things. We kept telling ourselves we had time. You are so sneaky. Letting us think that time was infinite. You play with our minds in a way that tricks us into believing we have time. Even when our children were small, I was always watching the time. Time to get up, time for breakfast, time for school, time for bed. I was always and continuously mentioning time. Five more minutes in the tub, ten more minutes to ride your bike. Everything has been hinged on time. Then you blink and they are all grown adults, and you wonder where the time went.

Even today, as I approach my middle-aged years, I wonder if I will be allotted enough time to see my children get married and have kids of their own. I wonder how long I will be able to fall asleep to my husband’s heartbeat, after his cardio-thoracic surgeon brought him back to me. I get it, time is not promised to any of us. We can’t prevent the sands of time from pouring through the hourglass. That being said, there is no time like the present to make changes, make things happen, live like there is no tomorrow. You have taught me that. I can’t get time back, but I can make the most of the time I have left. You have robbed me in the past but not anymore. Now I am not saying that I can’t waste time near a cozy fire with a good book during the winter. Sometimes that is the perfect antidote to a stressful schedule, but I vow that I will make every day count. I will not waste any more time feeling sorry for myself or worrying about what could have been. I will not let time trickle away without achieving something. I am only scratching the surface to who I can become, what I can accomplish and how I can be an example to my family, friends and community. You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war. Time will be on my side because I will make it so.

Time marches on, but so will I. I will hold myself accountable for my failures and celebrate my successes. I have the power to turn negative experiences into positive periods of growth. So, you just keep ticking, let the days turn into weeks, then months, then years. I will continue to grow and become the person I was always meant to be because time does not control me.

Sincerely,
Reva M. Gomes

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