Dear Future Self,
What’s it like? Walking with your head up and shoulders back with flawless movement.
Walking into a room and not worrying if everyone is internally laughing at you.
Do you smile in the face of fear? Never afraid to ask for clarification or to tell someone “no”.
Are you able to look men in the eye?

See, when I picture you, I see someone who has finally gotten up, after being down for so long.
I see someone who can quiet an entire room by just walking in.
Someone who can find peace in the darkest times.
I see you strong, warrior strong. “Never think about giving up” kind of warrior.
The kind of warrior who knows what she wants and isn’t afraid to share that information.
As if our decisions ever pleased anyone–
No, I SEE you Future Self. I see you in bright colors, big pants, and a giant smile.
And even when you’re not smiling you are still able to look in the mirror and see your beauty.

Future Self, tell me there’s a reason we don’t give up.

Tell me you’re not mad anymore. Then again who would we be without this anger? Fine.
Then tell me you use the anger to fuel something impactful. Tell me you use that anger to help others find their voice. Because we, me and you, Future Self we know what it’s like to have a lost voice.

Future Self, tell me there’s a reason to wake up tomorrow.

Tell me that all of our current doubts are something to laugh about.
Tell me that you’re sure we are right where we are supposed to be.
Tell me we’re still fun, but mature.
Tell me we’re quiet, but loud when it matters.
Tell me that love is no longer a foreign language to us.
Did we give up on trying to please everyone?
Did we let go of wanting to be liked?

We stop blaming ourselves, please tell me we stop blaming ourselves. It keeps me up at night.
OH that’s another thing, we get full nights of sleep, right?
We aren’t desperately counting sheep to make sure we get half the time we aimed for, right?

You see when I picture you, Future Self, I picture you waking up to mantras while the shades slowly open. You take off your eye mask with a smile on. You roll out of bed into morning yoga. Then begins the routine–the routine that I’m trying to start for us. The routine that is going to change our lives one day at a time.
You see, I have a lot of plans. In hopes that you will bring them to life.
Because, Future Self, we are going to go places. We have to, tell me that we go places.
I see it so clearly, Future Self, I could almost taste it! Big lights and big dress nights!
I see you applying yourself more than I ever have and I see you adding to the foundation I am laying for us.
Future Self, tell me the foundation doesn’t crack this time. Tell me we won’t have to hold it together with duct tape and mud. Tell me the foundation I am laying–it’ll be strong right? For both of us to build on. You see, Future Self, in case you forgot, we just got rid of the original foundation we built our life on. It was rotted to the core-had to bulldoze right through it. And Future Self, it’s been painful because the foundation went really deep. That foundation we’ve been building since we were young.

It was all wrong-we got the wrong plans and we’re just now finding out.

As I begin on this painful new path, I know it will all be worth it because I know I will be you one day. I’m not sure how long it will take or how many obstacles there will be. But I know there is more than just me that awaits.

Oh, and Future Self, if you ever start to lose hope, remember me. Remember how much hope I have. It’s enough for the both of us to keep going.

With all the love I have,