For as long as I can remember, the primary lesson you taught me was to be quiet. You locked me inside my own head. Because of you, I learned to think instead of speak. I became a master of internalizing everything, allowing my mind and heart to become a crowded, heavy place where your whispers could echo without…read more

 
To the one who made me believe I couldn’t, I could.

 
To the one who made me afraid to learn to drive, now I drive across the country several times a year.

 
To the one who made me feel I wouldn’t make it on my own, I’ve been thriving since I moved out in 2019.

 
To the one who made me feel I…read more

A power that takes me captive
Depleting the energy to live
The tightened hold unwilling to give

Postured internally
Restored to possibility
This is security

A power that lets me breathe
Renewing the energy I receive
Strengthened with courage to believe

Postered…read more

Your insecurity has a voice. Lately, that voice has been so very loud. It has been telling you that one misinterpreted moment can erase 46 years of character. It has been telling you that silence equals rejection. It has been telling you that every door is permanently closed, and that your future is already written in stone.

Todd,…read more

I hate when you show up; that loud background noise you make when I start to relax. As soon as I think I’m comfortable, here you come reminding me how undeserving I am of happiness. When he says, “I love you”, instead of his voice, I hear you loud and clear. You don’t even have the decency to whisper, “Bitch you do not deser…read more

I’ve just woken up from sleeping although I do believe I’ve technically been conscious the majority of the time. And, Time… oh, what a funny thing that is. Time and I have coexisted since I can remember. Time has always been good to me. At least that’s how I choose to see it now as I travel back through time.

Yes…read more

You convinced me that my body was something to hide, and for years I believed you. Growing up, I was teased about my chubby cheeks and nicknamed “Cabbage Patch” because of the appearance of my full face. I remember being so self-conscious of my weight in school I would wear a black jacket every day, never taking it off, eve…read more

You’ve been with me longer than anyone else. Longer than any friend, any partner, any version of myself I’ve tried to grow into. You were there before I even understood what a body was. Before I knew what beauty meant. Before I knew what shame felt like.

You taught me shame.

You taught me to look at myself like I was something bro…read more

There was a time when I thought I had lost everything.
That was when you arrived, riding through the wreckage like a headless horseman, carrying news of death and despair. You whispered that I would never amount to anything. You told me I was nothing more than gum stuck to the shoes of those who had already crossed the…read more

I am writing you this letter because I finally understand where you came from.
You weren’t born in me, you were created by everything I didn’t have when I was young.
I didn’t grow up with security, guidance or the kind of knowledge that teaches a child who they are and what they deserve. So you filled the empty spaces, you…read more

What we were forced to endure in early to mid-childhood, almost no one has properly understood.

I appreciate you teaching me many valuable lessons about being cautious.
To not jump into things before assessing the…read more

I know you well.

You appear whenever I give more than I receive. You show up after another unanswered text, another one-sided friendship, or another relationship where I poured from a cup no one thought to refill. You sit quietly in my mind and ask the same question: “Why do you keep caring so much?”

You tell me that I…read more

Dear Seventeen-Year-Old Demica and Insecurities

Hello,
Now, I have more information about new coping skills that could’ve helped you at seventeen. You became this way because of fear. Well, the rape, too, but fear was the root issue. I know that now. Listen, your high school English teacher was right about you! You do write w…read more

I never thought the day would come that we would have to come here and I would need to have this conversation, but you’ve overstayed your welcome and we need to chat.

First off, where did you come from? One day I am happily buttoning up my skinny jeans and then the next day you move in like an unwelcome guest with a s…read more

For as long as I can remember, our brain has kept an emergency exit map. I was barely a teenager when you introduced yourself. I didn’t know your name then. I only knew that one day our brain started offering exits whenever life hurt. You climbed in during middle school, right when our grades started cracking and our…read more

“No matter how hard you strive,
You’ll never truly thrive.
All you are is not enough.
You’ll never be up to snuff.
Regardless of all you do,
This world has no place for you.”

It’s hard to quiet that vicious v…read more

I know I’m not entirely sure if I was always such a nervous and introverted child or if I’ve always been meticulous. The first time I heard the sound of survival, I counted the strands of my mother’s hair, ripped from the root and spread across my bedroom floor. I recall the urge to save that bushel of…read more

You arrived disguised as caution.

You asked me for proof then questioned what I knew.

When my son melted down, you said:
“Maybe it’s random.”
So I wrote it down.

The meals. The noise. The sleepless nights. The crowded aisles. The flickering lights.
You said: “That can’t be right.”

So I wrote some more.
I…read more

My mind. You are my biggest insecurity. You are the reason I have up and down days. You can be my best friend because all you want is to protect me. But you can also be my biggest enemy because all you want is to destroy me.

This is the first time I’m speaking to you. I know what you’re doing. You think you…read more

For most of my life, I thought you were trying to protect me.

You told me not to stand in front of cameras because people would see every flaw. You told me to hide behind other people in group photos. You told me not to wear certain clothes, not to draw attention to myself, and certainly not to believe anyone who said I was…read more

I hate you most on the nights when something good happens.

You’d think those would be the easy nights.

The scholarship.

The opportunity.

The compliment.

The award.

The finished manuscript.

The phone call.

The moment somebody says they’re proud of me.

Those should be the moments you…read more

For a long time, I listened to you.

You told me I wasn’t enough. You reminded me of my mistakes, my failures, and my scars. You whispered that I would never change, never heal, never become the person I wanted to be. You made me question my worth and doubt my strength.

But you never told the whole story.

You d…read more

You have been with me for as long as I can remember.

You introduced yourself in dressing room mirrors, swimming pools and family photographs.

You whispered through magazine covers, television screens, and passing comments from strangers.

You made yourself comfortable in every reflection I s…read more

Here we are again. Another pledge to kick you out of my life, to finally leave you behind. I tell myself how much you’ve destroyed me and my life. Yet, even in knowing that, I still cling to you. Even when I finally tore myself out of the trauma of my life, I couldn’t leave you behind. How do I part ways with one of the onl…read more

My insecurity, symbolized by wet cement. I felt as though the concrete was hardening, drying out my skin. The more I sat with it, the more the panic would rise and create anxiety…read more

We need to talk about the bathtub.

Not because it was my finest moment. It wasn’t.

Not because I got stuck. I did.

Not because my peaceful lavender bath ended with me resembling a stranded whale attempting a prison escape. It absolutely did.

We need to talk about the bathtub because you were relentless that…read more

In 7th grade, I wore fishnet tights to school. I remember leaving the house feeling like a badass and coming home feeling like a freak.

“No offense, but what were you thinking when you got dressed this morning?”

“Are you rebelling against your parents or something?”

I was the talk of the…read more

I have spent a long time trying to understand you.

For years, I thought you were a flaw I needed to fix, a weakness I needed to overcome, or a shadow I needed to outrun. No matter where I went, you seemed to follow me. You appeared in mirrors, in photographs, in conversations I replayed long after they ended, and in…read more

How dare you disempower me?
How dare you take my magnificence,
and toss me into waterfall of empty emotions?

I remember feeling pain of self being
unvalued by family and co-workers.

I recall,
steps of hesitation taken,
as I moved second guessing voice.

Oh…read more

I see you. Not in that creepy, looking over your shoulder way, but in the way that means I know you more deeply than you perhaps want to be known. I know what it is to be afraid of being seen, especially by people that you may never meet. I know what it is to be seen beyond your capacity to hold. I know what it is to be seen…read more

When I feel free, I’m safe from insecurities, and I have an unbelievably high self-esteem. However, it’s difficult for me to fully express my essence, such as the peaceful beauty of my soul, my natural gifts, and the essential lights within my emotions, which I set forth, creating an aura and peaceful thoughts on this subject.…read more

Funny how the being the black sheep in my own family has produced such tenacity throughout my journey. Being one of seven siblings with two sisters and four brothers, comparison to all of them was inevitable and constant. Because of my not being slim, smart, and ambitious like the rest, somehow, they deemed me as “less t…read more

I know where you come from.

You arrived when I was small and the world did not feel safe. You clung to me like a second skin. Each time I tried to rise above my circumstances, you whispered self-doubt into my ear. Eventually, your words found their way into my soul. I wondered if my life would ever get any better.

You…read more