Suffering hallucinations is quite real.
My reputation has suffered acutely
For those screams and moans. They only occur
When I am tired beyond comprehension.
I have cinematic dreams, and blinding green
lights pulsate and revive, illuminating walls.
Sometimes writing from my teaching years
Appears in the air, a cloud of equations.
My father is watching in his Rice sweatshirt.
I am waiting for him to talk, but ghosts
Must have their etiquette and methods.
I don’t know what I would say if he appeared,
I should probably write it down, just in case.
He’s my phantom. I have so many questions
I would have difficulty insisting on answers
And perhaps equations cannot be solved
Without mentioning heaven. It’s our final
Inside joke. He told me I would always
Have the last word. Sometimes it’s painful
To be correct. I’m waiting for his voice
To issue forward. I finally found
The last word: silence. Silence and damages.
I hope you weren’t up late that night waiting for me.
I knew the hour wasn’t great to call.
I had priorities in life-
I felt my back against the wall.
Also seemed there wasn’t much I could discuss with you or say.
And then the moment changed my life.
When I got word that you had passed away.
I actually felt my world stop spinning .
I stepped back taking look at myself.
Knowing precisely at that moment –
How Lonely that you must have felt.
And every day that passes now
You are in my thoughts more so.
A better person I strive to be
Because that’s the only way that I can grow.
I want to say I am so sorry
I wasn’t there when my time you did need.
This Letter goes out to Someone…
Remember to Cherish the people you Love
Without selfishness & greed.
Today I have decided to tell my story. I suffer from bipolar. I was diagnosed with the mental disorder over 20 years ago. I have been through alot. It has been a real problem most of my life.
It was triggered after I had my second child. It was a nightmare 😔. I ended up being hospitalized several times over the course of twenty years. I will do my best to explain the horror of it all. I remember having one episode after another. Each episode was very exhausting and dramatic. I would block out a lot of the different personalities and triggers of emotional dynamics. It was so 😫 tiring.
I will try to explain one of my episodes to give you an idea of it all. Well, it all begins with not taking my medication. It slowly turns into a horror movie. I hear voices and act out several different personalities in my mind. I begin to have spells of crying dramatically having thoughts of despair. I was on edge and going down a bottomless pit of not wanting to be here anymore 😪. Yet, in most circumstances I didn’t want to kill myself because an angelic voice told me, ” no” don’t do it! I say, “okay” most times. Smh.
In these drastic times I have family who did help me like my mother. And that was important and fortunate because at these times it is good to have positive support systems in your life.
In most cases my family would call 911 and have a rescue squad come get me. In this case, I can’t stop crying. I wanted to leave! I wanted to go away! My family would say that I was going to the hospital. My main support is my mother. She was always there for me.
Once the ambulance 🚑 arrived I felt like I was in a horrible movie. This has happened to me several times over the years. Yet on this particular case the ENT would come in from the ambulance slowly one my one. They see I’m distraught and incoherent. I don’t know who I was at this point. I’m yelling for no reason and crying for no reason. I can’t understand what is going on. The police also came in…and it got worse. They felt like I would hurt myself or others and so one officer threatened to taze me. I said please don’t..please give me some water to drink. They did.
They slowly calmed me down and then my casemanager came in to also help out.
They asked her several questions to understand why I was like this. She told them that I was bipolar. I am so sick at this point. I have felt supernatural powers around me. I would say, ” I see angels”. They weren’t really visible but a feeling of goodness and calming voices.
So this contributes and adds to my psychotic behavior 🤔. That is what I felt.
I want to tell you the experience of being INSIDE THE AMBULANCE 🚑. Once I get inside the ambulance I felt like i was being ported to an experimental place. I was scared!!!!!This particular personality in me was very informative. I was talking a great deal like I was literally someone else.
One ENT said that he had never seen anything like this before. I finally got to the emergency room. Once there I begin, to yell and bring attention to myself. The police 🚔 officers were staring at me. A guard was placed at the entrance of my room door. I was being watched for over 24 hours. After a while a psychiatric doctor told me I would be admitted to a room in the hospital.
Now, I was on the floor of the psychiatric unit. Once I was in my own room I was in a bed. In some cases I was given medication to help relax me and I would sleep for hours.
So this was a particular bipolar experience. The next day, after being monitored I had to learn and come to appreciate little things again. Showering 🚿, brushing my teeth, wearing a hospital gown, and being served my breakfast lunch and dinner. This was a safe place.
Once I stayed a couple of weeks I was let go. I had a team of supporters around to help me. I had a case worker, a psychiatrist, and medical doctor coming in to see me. I felt much better. This was going to begin to be a part of my life for over 20 years. It is hard. But I will say I’m currently doing ok. So remember you are not alone. Be positive. Find good supporters in your circumstances. I hope this helps someone. Thank you for hearing my story. I am beating bipolar.
Have you ever felt trapped by a secret, burdened by its weight and wondering if sharing it could bring you relief or further pain? This is a silence many, unfortunately, know all too well.
Today, I want to share with you the story of Lauren Brill, a woman whose journey from the depths of traumatic silence to the heights of empowerment and entrepreneurship is nothing less than inspirational.
The Silence That Echoes
In the aftermath of the night that would forever change Lauren’s story, she found herself in a place of silence—a silence shared by many who have experienced sexual assault. This silence is not just the absence of words but a stifling barrier to healing and understanding.
For years, Lauren carried the heavy burden of her experience, shielded from the world, concerned about the impact its revelation would have on her loving parents.
From Secret to Superpower
Yet, in a pivotal moment of bravery, Lauren chose to share her story in an open letter to other sexual assault survivors. What happened next, Lauren could have never imagined.
Her letter went viral! The professional athletes she had known as a sports reporter had her back. One person shared her letter, and that set off a chain reaction.
And then something remarkable happened. Her secret, which once felt like a chain holding her back, finally shattered, setting her free! Lauren transformed her secret into her superpower!
By breaking her silence, Lauren not only freed herself but also ignited a spark to challenge societal norms and advocate for others.
With Transformation Comes Change
As Lauren herself began to evolve, so did her outer world. What was, is no more. What once fit like a glove now feels too tight, too restrictive. Once a dream job in sports broadcasting no longer aligned with the woman she had become.
Have you ever felt that a path you were on just didn’t fit who you were anymore? Did you stay on track, or did you make a change?
Lauren made a monumental decision — to leave her once dream job and pursue a new dream.
She founded ‘The Unsealed’, a platform that allows people to share their own stories of hurt and loss, wins and victories, challenges and opportunities. Ultimately, Lauren Brill chose authenticity over security.
Building a Community of Courage & Trust
‘The Unsealed’ is more than a platform; it’s a community built on the power of vulnerability, trust, and courage. Here, individuals are encouraged to write open letters about their life experiences, each carrying a positive message of hope to the reader.
This act of sharing is not just therapeutic—it’s transformative. It builds a bridge between isolation and community, fostering an environment where resilience flourishes through collective support.
Your Role in This Story
As you absorb the impact of Lauren’s story on your own life, consider how your own stories of silence could be unleashed to create a global movement. I encourage you to ask yourself those big questions…
How could I use my own life-changing experiences to empower both myself and others? Whether it’s a conversation you need to have, a letter you need to write, or support you wish to offer, remember: your voice has power. Your story matters.
Lauren’s transformation from a survivor of silence to a beacon of hope is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It’s a reminder that even in our darkest moments, there is hope to be found. Just understand, sometimes, we must travel down the road a ways before we are able to truly understand how the events of yesterday have impacted our lives today.
So, the final question to be asked… What silence will you break? What new path will you forge? Let’s take inspiration from Lauren and move towards a future where our voices are heard, our stories are shared, and our spirits are unbreakable!
Don’t Miss Lauren’s Full Story… Able to be heard inside of Episode #282 of the podcast – Grit, Grace, & Inspiration.
Remember, you are amazing, incredible, and simply perfect, just as you are! Never let anyone or anything make you believe any different. Let your truth be heard and your light shine!
When you feel caught in a vacuum
Because people didn’t see the value,
You brought to the kitchen table,
Won’t change the fact that,
You are more than capable.
Your worth is immeasurable.
You are very valuable.
In a world that may seem unstable,
Don’t let doubt make you retract,
You have the power to impact.
You are stronger than you think,
And you are more than enough.
You are loved even on the days you feel worse.
Keep running.
Always believe in yourself, don’t hesitate,
You have the potential to create.
I know you can do it!
See, you’re already doing it!
Give yourself grace
To run your own race.
If you keep the faith alive,
I know you will survive.
-From Reflections of a Hopeful Romantic by Stephanie Anyaoha
Lauren,
Thank you so much for your kind words!
I really appreciate your support!
I wrote that piece when I was at a very low point in my life and wanted to give up.
I hope it will inspire others to keep running their race.
All the best!
People all around have lost their sight
In return has made this world loose its light
Hate and darkness are spread
while people try to hide it all with meds
Instead of opening their eyes they become more blind
which makes the light harder to find
People are becoming more like animals losing sight of humanity
Which is destroying the future you see
We all secretly want the same thing
to truly be loved & not shown pain
We forget to be the person we needed when we were younger
especially when that darkness hit with that Hungers
People can always be the change in this world & save humanity
Even if it just starts with you and little Ol me
Someone must finally open their eyes
To see past all the masks, disguises, & lies
Just as easy as hate can spread
Love & Kindness could be instead
One match can bring light to the dark
The dark cannot overpower the spark
Unless you give that power away
Nobody can make or break your day
Working together for the greater good
Has been somehow misunderstood
It is time we all open our hearts & quit being sheep
Show love instead & let the evil sow what it reap
8 years ago today I defended my Master’s Thesis at the University of Kentucky, titled:
Healthy Reintegration: The Effectiveness of Military Teen Adventure Camp Participation of Adolescent Perceptions of Self-efficacy
I remember the day vividly, I was a nervous wreck, standing in front of a room full of people with my insecurities—believing that somehow everyone witnessing was somehow smarter or better than me.
If I could speak to that version of me at 25, I would tell her that you are enough today and you will only continue to get better. You will go on to complete a PhD at a R1 institution (Florida State University) defending one on many Goliath’s in your life (dissertation) during the onset of covid—against all odds. Ignore the disempowerment and doubt including, the words from your thesis advisor, “If you keep writing like this, Florida State will never accept you into their PhD program”. (Academia really has a unique way of shattering any bit of confidence you have).
I would tell her that being from the south or from a perceived “less than” background won’t hold you back—it is your perceived lack that will fuel your drive to finish whatever you start. It will fuel you to put yourself out there. It will fuel you to leave your comfort zone. It will fuel you to never quit. It will empower your relationship and reliance on God. So run your race boldly and well — you lack nothing and God is always with you (Deut. 31:8)
The maze of life, we wander, we strive,
Through twists and turns, where paths collide,
Each step a dance of pain and joy,
As we chase dreams that hope employ.
Through valleys deep and mountains high,
We journey on, beneath the sky,
With hearts that ache and souls that yearn,
For the lessons learned at every turn.
In the darkest of times,
We stumble, we fall,
Sometimes we even lose our sight,
But from the shadows, once more we emerge,
With newfound strength,
After every storm, comes a surge.
For in the depths of despair we find, The resilience of humankind.
We rise from ashes, refusing to fold,
A testament to faith and resilience—cheers to the courageous and bold
For growth is not a straight-lined path,
It’s up and downs, twists, and turns
But we find our way, becoming free at last
So let us cherish the journey we choose,
For they remind us who we are and what happens if you refuse to lose,
A testament to our strength and grace
Yes, we rise and fall, yet rise again and again…
Knowing that trouble won’t last always and if you don’t give up, you will win.
So ride life’s wave, in God’s embrace.
Trust your path—you’ve got what it takes.
Greetings, your poem beautifully captures the ups and downs of life’s journey, offering encouragement and hope to readers. Your use of vivid imagery and a rhythmic flow convey themes of perseverance and resilience, bravo! Overall, it’s an inspiring ode to the human spirit.
Stagnant. Dormant. Idle. Sluggish.
All feelings of a pace I’ve gotten too familiar with.
I’m in a courtship with anxiety,
And an engagement with depression.
Yet, these are two relationships I don’t want to be a part of.
Reflect. Ponder. Meditate. Think.
These daily reminders ping in my head.
Telling me to give myself a break, take it easy, let it out and let it go.
But they only stay for the moment, and then I forget to be kind to myself.
I wonder what being 30 is like for others.
I wonder what being 30 is like for me.
Am I behind? Am I lost? Is this okay?
I reflect on how everyone is moving at their own pace.
I ponder over how far I’ve come, yet how short of a time I’ve been around.
I meditate on how there’s no such thing as behind, because this is my version of now.
I think about how being lost isn’t a bad thing. It’s an opportunity to learn.
It’s okay. I’ll be okay. And that’s the art of growth.
The stars, my brothers & sisters,
How much I miss all thee
To see you, shiny, bright optimists –
Such a deep positivity to guide.
So many of you all, those stars –
The houses, cities, industries, beings
Dull you now, and so, so few
of you shine as bright, barely gleaning.
Now, not as many of you
Illuminate and shining to inspire
Amongst the rest of mankind.
I miss seeing you as I did back there . . .
I lay there in the vast school valley
No major lights, here third world style.
Cast myself away from the US, I fled,
practically now an exile.
I came to understand more of the world
Wanting to see if I can do any good.
Lying, wishing to be in the space purl,
There in the dark of the African continent.
I smile with peace and such ease
While looking up at those grand stars,
Milky Way, galaxies, while a scant breeze
waves across my skirt and the tall grass.
My Earthly Family, those stars
mine, yours, our representative.
This view, this experience,
I rushed over, not so tentative/
To learn so much, but the stars
Illuminated the sky and world
So much brightness and loveliness,
and so much did unfurl.
I’ll never feel like this again.
Those days over in Tanzania
will forever last in memory
That life, those stars, now as unglistened
In this sky so uncomplimentary
Sharing now that life is short.
I’ll enjoy it as best as I did under
The Tanzania stars and sky.
Greetings, your description of yearning for the beauty of the stars amidst the routine of life is quite striking. It contrasts the grandeur of the universe with the limitations of human existence, leaving a poignant reminder of life’s fleeting nature. Splendidly written.
I am the girl that can come off a bit clingy
Often scaring those who cross my path.
My thoughts may seem a bit stringy
Coming off to one like a bloodbath.
I will shoot for the stars
Providing those I love with my support.
Depending who looks you can see the scars
This makes some want to abort.
Giving my all with folks that let her through
As they becoming a part of the life.
There are pieces only few knew
I will occasionally show it all within a rife.
No one can tell me who I am
I do not follow a diagram.
The knight elevates the princess
tightening his grasp midair
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Shifting the thread of hair behind
to gain a surpass of what the wave has inside—
the knight elevates the princess.
Giddying as the knight’s veins come through
the heat in the room leaves them breathless:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
The beats sync
taking the space away
the knight elevates the princess.
The grin grows uncontrollably
the palms leaving a trace:
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Continuing to go steady
as they snuggle close.
The knight elevates the princess
while they are lost in the brown waves.
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
Of each of the battles you have overcome
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
She’s a writer now
While her sport history is no more
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
Living with the mind battles
Due from the moments God throws her way:
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
Still waking up
Pushing past the hardships
have I ever told you how proud I am?
Have you seen how far you have grown
moments you thought would never surpass
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
If she only knew how great she’s doing
Which I think we’re finally within the place
Have I ever told you how proud I am?
She thinks that her life is not up to par.
Following down a path
that was out of the ordinary.
Discovering herself threw all the wrath
Bouncing around such as a fairy.
The harmfulness inside
can consume her on the daily
She is no longer trying to hide
Realizing she probably was never gaily.
The spark of who she is becoming
Is bright within
Hearing the constant humming
Without all of the sin.
This girl is giving it her all
never worried on if she will fall.
Greetings, your celebration of resilience and authenticity is wonderfully written. It encourages perseverance and self-acceptance, highlighting the strength of embracing one’s true identity. I hope this becomes a reality and a source of encouragement for everyone in their self-discovery journey.
I want to try this again
The more I learn about who I am becoming
Making this a part of my routine
As I continue going day by day
To figure out the best version of myself
So let’s begin
Who am I?
I carry a big heart
One that can often be misused from those that surround me.
I do not put that shield on it.
I trust with the plan God already has made for me—
I am just living that piece of it.
I have goals
Ambitions
Dreams
All which one day I will succeed.
I am still so young
There’s a whole life ahead.
Yes I will get things wrong
It may not look like I know what I am doing
That is okay though
It is just going to build me.
I trust myself
I see my beauty within
Even if it’s not on a day to day.
I know who I can and want to be
So for right now I am just loving me.
I am grateful for the life that I carry
And who I am becoming.
Each day this is making me who I am
And I cannot be more proud of that.
Looking into the mirror
I see the smile from her.
The find feels clearer
I finally found where you were.
Noticing the smile
That follows around.
Anyone could spot it from a mile
Finding what startled her from the ground.
Did I mention the bliss
From you walking through that door.
It’s safe you will not be a dismiss
We are ready to explore.
The possibilities that are within
Not that I no wear you thin.
I wake up like I never went to bed.
Sleep is upon my open eyes,
yet they are glazed and scarlet red.
I don’t remember what happened yesterday,
nor do I have a semblance of what the day holds.
I schedule my life out to stop the mind decay.
I sip my coffee until I realize for two hours it’s been cold.
I glance around myself,
“When did I put that picture on my wall?”
“Did I put it together or buy that bookshelf?”
Sometimes I wonder if there’s someone I could call?
But for everyone living their lives,
going to school, work, home, sleep-
It really wouldn’t make sense to hear my cries.
I can’t remember how my mind got so deep.
How I can’t recollect moving into this apartment.
I know I pay for bills, electric and such,
I have a garage that has my car now with a dent,
I mean I remember that much.
I used to go to college,
I had a friend, I think.
But school never taught me a good message.
I always felt blue and everyone was pink,
like I had a mask.
I was so perfect, smart and happy,
but at home, there was always a panic attack waiting for me,
a part no one could, nor would ever see.
Somehow I stopped driving to college.
I had several jobs and goals,
yet I couldn’t find my true meaning or message.
Outside I seemed successful with my methods and morals,
but it seems there’s a part of my soul left behind,
somewhere along moving out and now,
I lost my mind.
Either that or the matrix has me now under its hold.
Somedays I feel the grass under my feet,
and other times
I can’t even look at myself without wanting to retreat.
Cause somewhere along the lines,
I lost me,
and I don’t think I can get her back.
Somewhere on the other side of the root and the tree,
ss the life of that little girl I now lack.
God, I just want to wake up sometimes
without shocking myself with my own touch.
To not wonder If I committed any crimes,
cause my hands are calloused and rough,
From something I can’t even remember,
or can even give a second thought.
When I go to sleep at night
It’s with dread and regret,
that I have no idea what happened in this fight.
But what can you do as you watch the sun set,
It’s the matrix.
Maybe one day,
someone will come and it will all be,
fixed.
Frankie, you have so much purpose and so many gifts. Just one day at a time, try new things, and pay close attention to what makes you feel good. Keep pushing. Sending you a hug <3 Lauren
I keep being told that I’m too hurt right now;
However, I was for a long time.
In my time with you I lost myself—
to the point where I did not know who I was looking into a mirror.
I started to notice those signs while we were collided.
The fighting—over stuff that should not have been a thing—
All because I’m an “over-thinker” but I think you made me that way.
I could recite a conversation with us from the back of my head—
That’s because we were predictable—
Or what we would do when with one another— all points too—predictable.
I took a step back in our time together to see if it was me losing my mind or if it was caused by you.
I’ll be honest—I was hurt for 6 to 7 months before I called it over.
You had no idea though for parts—even though you should’ve because I was repeating myself time and time again.
Now that I’m free I live for me—
I’m happier now—
I work out—
I write—
I don’t plan shit out—
I don’t have a dress code—even though you said I could always wear whatever I wanted to but that was not the case.
I moved on while being in our shit show.
You were too blind to notice—
The pain I was enduring—
Too busy playing video games—
Leaving me in the shadows during our time.
You taught me some valuable life lessons—
ones that I will take with me.
Thank you for showing what I want in life—
Maybe one day our paths will collide but I’m stating that time from forever is done.
Thank you for the memories and the many things you have taught me throughout my high-school life—then allowing me in college to learn what I could not learn before we broke apart.
I’m appreciative of everything you have taught me throughout our time together—
You will be someone my future children hear about due to the amount of experiences we share.
But overall thank you for showing me what I need to look for in life.
You are no longer the thought that races the back of my head— I am free from you and all the pain you put me through.
I am not hurting—she was a while back—now I am living the life I deserve—I would not do anything to change that.
Greetings, the reflection on healing and growth after a painful relationship, inspiring resilience and self-worth. It’s raw, showing your journey towards happiness and self-discovery. Overall, it’s empowering and brave.