Javarr,
My gosh, it’s been years since I’ve seen that baby face with curiosity written all over it. Don’t worry, we keep the same face, but you’ll finally get that beard you’ve been shaving your bare face to get.
Well, I was sent here to write you a letter, and I’m hoping this will answer your every dying desire. Alright, it won’t, but you still need time to realize that we will never have all the answers. I can tell you firsthand that I’ve figured out most of the things that you constantly worry about at your age, but it doesn’t end there. New worries replace the old worries, and life just gets more exciting and scarier. Here’s a hidden gem: sometimes not having an answer is the answer. I know that sounds confusing, but that leaves so much more room for other options, as it allows you to not place yourself in one lane. You have so much talent and so many different interests that it would be a shame to box yourself in. You are no one-trick pony; you’re a unicorn. Remember that, always.
Your words, thoughts, and uniqueness are valid, and you should always be thinking of your intention(s) with anything you do. You look for so much validation and approval from everyone else and never listen to the little voice inside you. The little voice you hear is your intuition; it needs to be turned up to level 100, and you need to tune everyone else out. Now, of course, you’re not going to be right 100% of the time, but you’ll learn from those mistakes and become fearless, trusting yourself more and more throughout the process.
As the future you, I know you’re always fixated on the people around you and fitting in with them. Javarr, you were never supposed to fit in with them; quite frankly, you were meant to stand out by being authentically you and kind to people, as you always have. Please keep that quality about you; it will take you very far. Every time you think about going above and beyond for someone, ask yourself if you’ve done the same for yourself. It is not selfish, and you need to do more for yourself. No one will save you, get up, and do it for you. I know you think that our family will always be there for you, but their views and ideologies will hold you back. They cannot see past their beliefs and fears. Javarr, you can love your family from a distance if they can’t respect your boundaries. You will have a chosen family of people who will love and respect you for who you are.
I know that as a growing man, you feel as though you can’t speak about your emotions, sexuality, past sexual abuse, and the lack of support and love from your second set of parents and select family members. However, you will gain the courage to acknowledge these things and forgive everyone you’ve blamed. No, you don’t need the last word, and you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. Your truth is your truth, and people with similar truths will benefit from your story. So please don’t be ashamed; share your story. Unfortunately, we are all flawed human beings, and people make terrible decisions. None of which has anything to do with you. I simply ask that you search for that love within you and only within you. If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you going to love somebody else? Sounds familiar, right? Yes, we will still watch RuPaul’s Drag Race in the future, and you don’t have to hide and watch it anymore. It’s very popular on my timeline. If you take anything from that show, please just know that self-expression is important and natural, and there are so many ways to live life. Live your life however you please if it’s not dimming someone else’s light.
Javarr, I know at this point in your life, mom has been gone for 4 years, you think your life is over because you moved to Georgia shortly after, and everything seems to be confusing. Baby, life is just getting started, and you will have to learn to adjust to any situation or environment. Trust the process because Georgia will just be an experience for the moment, and Mom will always be guiding us from heaven. You have this special ability of always seeing the good in every bad situation; keep a hold of that. If you haven’t noticed already, being in Georgia has been monumental for you. You’re away from everyone you know, and you get to spend more time with yourself. This will inspire you to follow your happiness and rebel against your family’s attempts to control your narrative. You will thank yourself every day for the path you’re about to take.
Finally, I want you to know that your fears are only in your mind. Just because you’re scared of a possible outcome doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go after the things you want. I know this is hard to read (because it’s true), but you let fear cripple you with anxiety to the point where you don’t even believe in your abilities and God-given talents. I need you to let that go! You’re the only one standing in your way. I promise you, once you take that leap of faith, it will be addictive. You will be in disbelief at your own courage and how far you can go.
I hope you know that you’re here to inspire the world with your journey, and although life may get you down, never stop pouring love into yourself and the people that you love. If there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey, it’s that we still have time to do the things we want, and there’s always time to start over no matter where you are in life. Give yourself time to make mistakes and the grace to learn from them. You are just 17, and you have so much time to figure out life.

I love you always.
Javarr