Hello, I’m new to TheUnsealed. This is a poem from a dark time in my life. I’m just so grateful to not be in this position anymore. I’m excited to this as a tool for healing! Thank you for reading.

I can’t breathe
A simple death is about to be achieved
Where it leaves me 6 ft underneath but the thought has always been appeased for all the nights I used to stay up for just a little tweak and depriving my body on every inch of sleep

Feeling crazy and distraught isn’t as pleasant as it seems
Death tends to follow me somewhere deep within my dreams
So I stay awake as part of a better scheme knowing one day it’ll take every ounce of me

Because now

But I’m the only one left to take the blame,
They call me insane because everything I do tends to be the same
With depressed thoughts hidden deep within my brain
Hoping one day I’ll have wealth with imaginary fame

From the beginning I tore everything apart
Having to big of a heart for the wrong people just from the start just to end up doing hot rails at a park because I felt all alone and left in the dark

I guess that’s the biggest excuse for an addict always blaming our problems on something just to go and have it, wishin you wouldn’t have had it, bad habits soon to wind us up dead in a casket, this havoc turned you into a savage and living under a bridge in the winter with no jacket.

I want to try this again
The more I learn about who I am becoming
Making this a part of my routine
As I continue going day by day
To figure out the best version of myself
So let’s begin
Who am I?
I carry a big heart
One that can often be misused from those that surround me.
I do not put that shield on it.
I trust with the plan God already has made for me—
I am just living that piece of it.
I have goals
Ambitions
Dreams
All which one day I will succeed.
I am still so young
There’s a whole life ahead.
Yes I will get things wrong
It may not look like I know what I am doing
That is okay though
It is just going to build me.
I trust myself
I see my beauty within
Even if it’s not on a day to day.
I know who I can and want to be
So for right now I am just loving me.
I am grateful for the life that I carry
And who I am becoming.
Each day this is making me who I am
And I cannot be more proud of that.

The Matrix

I wake up like I never went to bed.
Sleep is upon my open eyes,
yet they are glazed and scarlet red.
I don’t remember what happened yesterday,
nor do I have a semblance of what the day holds.
I schedule my life out to stop the mind decay.
I sip my coffee until I realize for two hours it’s been cold.
I glance around myself,
“When did I put that picture on my wall?”
“Did I put it together or buy that bookshelf?”
Sometimes I wonder if there’s someone I could call?
But for everyone living their lives,
going to school, work, home, sleep-
It really wouldn’t make sense to hear my cries.
I can’t remember how my mind got so deep.
How I can’t recollect moving into this apartment.
I know I pay for bills, electric and such,
I have a garage that has my car now with a dent,
I mean I remember that much.
I used to go to college,
I had a friend, I think.
But school never taught me a good message.
I always felt blue and everyone was pink,
like I had a mask.
I was so perfect, smart and happy,
but at home, there was always a panic attack waiting for me,
a part no one could, nor would ever see.
Somehow I stopped driving to college.
I had several jobs and goals,
yet I couldn’t find my true meaning or message.
Outside I seemed successful with my methods and morals,
but it seems there’s a part of my soul left behind,
somewhere along moving out and now,
I lost my mind.
Either that or the matrix has me now under its hold.
Somedays I feel the grass under my feet,
and other times
I can’t even look at myself without wanting to retreat.
Cause somewhere along the lines,
I lost me,
and I don’t think I can get her back.
Somewhere on the other side of the root and the tree,
ss the life of that little girl I now lack.
God, I just want to wake up sometimes
without shocking myself with my own touch.
To not wonder If I committed any crimes,
cause my hands are calloused and rough,
From something I can’t even remember,
or can even give a second thought.
When I go to sleep at night
It’s with dread and regret,
that I have no idea what happened in this fight.
But what can you do as you watch the sun set,
It’s the matrix.
Maybe one day,
someone will come and it will all be,
fixed.

I keep being told that I’m too hurt right now;
However, I was for a long time.
In my time with you I lost myself—
to the point where I did not know who I was looking into a mirror.
I started to notice those signs while we were collided.
The fighting—over stuff that should not have been a thing—
All because I’m an “over-thinker” but I think you made me that way.
I could recite a conversation with us from the back of my head—
That’s because we were predictable—
Or what we would do when with one another— all points too—predictable.
I took a step back in our time together to see if it was me losing my mind or if it was caused by you.
I’ll be honest—I was hurt for 6 to 7 months before I called it over.
You had no idea though for parts—even though you should’ve because I was repeating myself time and time again.
Now that I’m free I live for me—
I’m happier now—
I work out—
I write—
I don’t plan shit out—
I don’t have a dress code—even though you said I could always wear whatever I wanted to but that was not the case.
I moved on while being in our shit show.
You were too blind to notice—
The pain I was enduring—
Too busy playing video games—
Leaving me in the shadows during our time.
You taught me some valuable life lessons—
ones that I will take with me.
Thank you for showing what I want in life—
Maybe one day our paths will collide but I’m stating that time from forever is done.
Thank you for the memories and the many things you have taught me throughout my high-school life—then allowing me in college to learn what I could not learn before we broke apart.
I’m appreciative of everything you have taught me throughout our time together—
You will be someone my future children hear about due to the amount of experiences we share.
But overall thank you for showing me what I need to look for in life.
You are no longer the thought that races the back of my head— I am free from you and all the pain you put me through.
I am not hurting—she was a while back—now I am living the life I deserve—I would not do anything to change that.

Hi my name is
Nah that’s way too formal.

Hey wassup it’s ya girl
What am I a radio personality?

Hi. I’m LaShae.

Wait. Yeah that
That feels comfortable.

Hi. I’m LaShae.
La like the note
Shae like the butter.
And I’m
. . .
Blank

God says,
I am that I am
But if I said it
Would it be blasphemous?
Even if I am?
Because I am that I am
And
I am Joy.
I am Smile.
Brittany said it was creepy
That I smiled so much
But Brittany didn’t know
I hurt the same ways she did.
She didn’t know my smile
Was as much a resistance
As it was for her to get out of bed some mornings
She didn’t know
I kept my smile because
Tracy loved my smile.
Tracy loved my smile!
She said it was the most genuine smile she’s ever seen
Which is the best compliment
Because her smile
Was the most genuine I’ve ever seen.

I am peace
Except when I am hungry
And I am always hungry
Beware of Junior’s warning
You better feed that gal;
I am gal.
As sister says,
When hungry,
I am Hulk;
I am pitbull.
Ya girl just likes to eat
But when I am fed,
I promise
I will be peace
Like Mable taught me to be
Peace:
Not the absence of violence,
But the presence of Justice.
So if no Justice
No peace.
I am starving
Pitbull for peace
Ready to Hulk smash oppression
See, Mable
Mable was a child
When Newark went up in flames
See
You don’t watch your home go ablaze
And end up staying the same
No
You arm yourself
Yes, with the whole armor of God
Like your mother taught you
But also
With a thicker skin
That none of this heat can penetrate
And with a weapon
She chose a pen
Much mightier than a sword
Her ink writing for peace
Not the absence of violence
But the presence of Justice
Her ink filled with the blood spilled in her streets
And then she would come to teach
All the little children, and yes, even me
That the power is in connections
That is what Mable taught to me.

Barbara taught me to hold my own.
Pete told me Fret Not
But Pray if you feel alone
Latierra and Ricky
Both taught me to wonder
And Serena taught me
That dancing is greater than pain
Ali taught me God will find you
Even if you’re in the dark.
I never met Maurice,
But his love is always in my heart.
Ulysses taught me always learn first
And Davey taught me to dress my best
Even when they do their worst
Ron & Vette taught me to be loud
Lisa and Al taught me love knows no bounds
Dog taught me to keep my friends close
Mo taught me that royalty
Can come from a crack that bloomed a rose
And Holis, God rest his soul,
May not be blood
But taught me what a man ought to be

I know you asked about me
But I am an unfinished story
The moral of my life
Isn’t complete
But I am that I am
And I am pieces of
Every person I ever lost
A puzzle
Amassing to one lone thought:
Love.

2922 days, 417 weeks, 96 months,
the 8 long years it’s taken for me to know you,
was this born of hate?
is that why i find myself as resentful as i am?
i could never be numb to you,
i could never be apathetic to you,
i could never feel nothing for you,

hate or love,
hate or love,
hate or love,
and i can’t understand what’s in between,

there’s a house stoic hill,
woodland lonesome edelweiss,
just as you’d like
to which i arise,
to which you descend,
i dream about when i’m in the snow,

the house lives and breathes when i could feel the grass on my feet,
i heard you sing through a window ajar,
songs of seraphina,
you are the indescribable view of beauty,

as i open the front door to let myself in i kick the glue from my boots that keep me in place,
i step into rot and decay.
i feel the candles extinguish as i walk past,
i hear the weeping angles,
i smell the cankerous taxidermy,
my hands freeze from the arctic bite of the door handle as i let myself open to discover the indescribable,
asphyxiating from my ring you wear on your neck,
bleeding from my bite on your shoulder,
pale deficient from the dying sun,
the discord that drips from the welt of monstrosity,
why won’t god keep it out my head?
vomit inducing horror i would sooner be blind than see
disgusting shape of unknowable inhumanity,
emotion formed action,
building mountains on your skin,
you moan in pain from knowledge of thyself
but was it me who clipped your wings?

Hey, you, old man.
This is a letter to yourself and from yourself.
You know all those things you’ve done wrong,
Regardless of who’s fault, or who’s right or wrong.
But this is not of that my friend…
Yeah, it’s amazing.You can call yourself friend now, but you are! ♥
I know those things I put myself and others through.
I remember the dreams and aspirations.All the good things I had for you.
Looking back is confusing and God it just makes me cry.
But I’m gonna try to leave You out too.Because this is a letter to myself. To maybe find out why.
But God I can’t, I can’t look back Because it hurts too much…
I can’t go to the beach, I can’t go to school, I can’t go to church, Sitting bereaved, I feel a fool.
But Lord, I can’t do it, I cannot watch.
Cannot go to Toledo. Cannot go to Cleveland cannot go back to jail, God what am I believing?
Cannot run to West Virginia, cannot hospital trend…
All along.I hated myself, yet all the while was a good friend. ☺
I can’t even write.I’m sorry I can’t do this.
All along my life, it was my own mark I missed.
But that’s a good thing because i’m not in hell…
Only I could see my place where ever if I made, could never get bail.
I’m sorry, no can do.
God thank you for saving me from me.

GRIEF
By. Kristina Gregson
Grief is a hard feeling to explain.
One does not truly know what to expect, until they are actually going through the pain.
The pain in the pit of your inner being.
The ache in your heart, feels like it could stop beating.
Your whole body aches with pain, leaving one feeling so drained.
Right down to the blood that flows through your veins.
A hurt, an ache, that can only be described as deep deep sorrow.
One that you know you will still have when you wake tomorrow.
The feeling of loss, the wish I would haves,
The wish I could haves, the wish I should haves,
That feeling of so much wasted time, that could have been spent with better rhythm and rhyme.
More smilies, more hugs, more laughter, more love.
More calls, more talks, maybe even a walk,
More dinners together, more special times.
That is what you wish when your loved one has ran out of time.

The Summer of 2021 was the start of my life turning upside down because of what you did. At least what I think you did. I have no memory of what happened other than that night I woke up feeling sick to my stomach, in pain everywhere. My legs, my back, my stomach, and most importantly, my private area was in extreme pain.

I don’t remember anything, but I know you did something to me. Waking up, not remembering anything, and just knowing something was wrong was enough to send me on a whirlwind. My wrists were red I was in pain, my nose piercing was gone, my pants were half down and wet with an unknown substance, I had bruises on my arms like someone forced themselves on me and held me down so I wouldn’t get up. I was scared, shocked, and I didn’t know what to do or think. I looked around in utter dismay, looking at my phone in my pillowcase. I know I wouldn’t have put it there because it’s always right beside me. I didn’t think this would happen to me.

After getting my thoughts together and trying to remember what happened, I looked at my phone, and saw a photo of me sleeping, as I thought maybe I could have taken the photo myself like a selfie but I couldn’t have taken it because it was shot from a different angle whereas someone else could have taken and left it on my phone. I remember that morning I asked you about the photo and you completely had a changed face, a face of guilt, you yelled at me telling me I’m crazy to be so accusatory, but in reality, I only asked a question. You shunned me the whole day acting like I didn’t exist, that the situation was nothing, it didn’t matter to you that you took something innocent out of me and scarred me. You did something horrible to me you know that. But you never took responsibility for it. I still remember your reaction, I still feel the bruises and the pain you caused. I even tear up sometimes just thinking about it. I may not remember what happened exactly to me that night but I do know what happened to me wasn’t my fault and I didn’t deserve it.