• chloewritespoetry77 submitted a contest entry to Group logo of Write a letter to your ideal selfWrite a letter to your ideal self 2 weeks, 6 days ago


    He told me his favorite features of mine are the people pleasing characteristics-
    to which I replied, “do you really not understand how awful that is?”
    And maybe it’s not all bad
    But when you give because you know
    it will all be taken from you anyways
    is it really giving?
    How am I supposed to feel hearing
    the defense mechanism I’ve been fighting away
    since it’s caused much more harm than health
    is still the only thing determining my worth?
    I’ve tread the fine line between generosity
    and apathy for so long
    that it’s become one in the same for me
    and it’s hard to recognize myself as a good person
    Maybe my giving and bowing to him
    is genuine
    and he recognizes that
    and it softens his gaze
    and he ends up better for it
    Or maybe he sees the value in
    this manifestation
    and how easily it can be
    The former is my bedrock
    The latter is a perspective built on the
    idea that history always repeats itself
    There are still Nazis in America
    I once compared love to treason in metaphor
    if that gives you any idea
    I was raised in faith but I have none
    I found comfort in the virtues taught in Sunday School
    I didn’t love Jesus but I loved my grandma
    despite how annoyingly her hands would prod at me as she fixed me up
    or just to remind me she was there
    There was a time for me when unconditional love was pure;
    when compassion was from my heart
    and I didn’t think about whether or not
    I’d be loved if not complying
    or whether I’d be left behind either way
    Little girl, oh how I admire you
    It seems I had it all right in the beginning

    I wish he would’ve just told me I’m pretty. Or something like that.


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