Dearest Grandpa,
The first words written in this letter have been sitting up deserted at the top of the page for a few days now. Each time I go to open my empty page with an intent to speak to you, I find myself pausing, staring at the vacant sheet, only to end up leaving it behind.
I wonder each time, if maybe I hadn’t started this letter because it just brings too much pain. However, I know that in my heart, you would be very disappointed if you knew that I didn’t continue to fight those demons by not remaining the strong “Beautiful Granddaughter” of yours. I really miss hearing you say that every time we saw one another and hugged each other so tight.
As I sit here, finally gaining the strength to speak to you, I’m reminiscing on the amazing memories we’ve had when I was growing up. We often went to your lake house for the day. Upon arrival, you and Helen welcomed us with loving arms.
During high school, struggling with mental health, you always inspired me to keep going. Giving up every hobby, the one thing you continuously encouraged me to not quit was to embrace my creative side. You were in many of your own “Barbershop Choruses”. You passed on the song “A-You’re Adorable”, that my dad eventually incorporated into my nightly bed-time routines. You are a vast reason why my dad has been the most amazing father.
You had such a beautiful singing voice, and was always the star of the performance because of your expressive looks and smile as you sang. This, in turn, had caused a sequence of spreading positivity and laughter throughout your lifetime.
Being inspired by your resilience and strength in your 89 years of life, you have taught me to never give up. You also handed down those traits of strength and optimism onto my dad, who has helped me inherit them as well. That is one of the most important ways on how I will continue to honor your legacy.
After learning of some of your earlier life events, I was incredibly touched by your strength to enlist in the Navy during the Korean war. When I feel weak, I can always look back at the time you overcame open-heart bypass surgery in 2010. Your resiliency will continue to motivate me moving forward to stay strong. Your “Pillow Heart” after surgery was gifted to me recently, and will be cherished forever.
You always understood and never judged. You continuously gave me advice, knowledge, and hope in my darkest moments. When I needed a Medical Alert & Response service dog, you trusted that it was beneficial for me. Though you never physically got the chance to meet my silly doofus, yet life-saving service dog Leo, you were supportive every step of the way.
Until your regression, I’d call you at night when I was having intense breakdowns. You assured me everything was going to be ok. Our last conversation was you encouraging me to seek the help or treatment that I needed to heal. When I called you from the hospital phone, it wasn’t your usual, strong voice. Conversations were short, but when I told you I love you, you had the strength to voice “I love you too, sweetie”.
Once I arrived with Leo to your hospital bed, it was an instant connection, laying there unresponsive. Leo went directly towards you like he knew who you were and were calling telepathically. Out of all my other family members, he chose to go to you.
Writing this letter is what I needed to acknowledge that this is the reality; you’re gone, not able to answer my calls those late nights. You, however, handed down that trait on to my beautiful aunt. I call, she answers just as you did, willing to be a listening ear, giving great advice that she probably learned from you. You’ve blessed all your children with wonderful personalities. You’re the reason they’ve made huge impacts, everywhere. They are also honoring your legacy.
You’ve taught many life lessons that I will carry on. I’m much like you, and I will continue to honor your legacy by infinitely showing kindness, along with sharing my big heart and expressive smile wherever I go.
I’ll encourage others as you’ve encouraged me. I’ll spread your positivity, light, ability to spread hope, and treat everyone the same. I’ve inherited these qualities throughout my lifetime. They’ve impacted many lives already.
I’ll also be a helping hand and listening ear whenever needed. I’ll never stop making that positive effect wherever life takes me, being an inspiration, like you’ve always been to me. And that is a promise.
I love you. I thank you for helping me be the person I am today.
That’s a powerful story. He’s right. You shouldn’t accept anything less than what he would have been willing to give. From anyone. Grief is tough. Comes in all shapes and sizes. I’m currently apart from my ex girlfriend. It’s brutal. I want to be back w her so much. But I can’t speed up the process. It just has to be a one day at a time process. I think of the good. The memories are great, but tortuous at the same time. People say “ things will get better”. But sometimes I don’t want to hear that. Because I don’t really think they will, because when I was with her I never felt better. In addition, I’ve lost both of my parents. Mom in 2004. Dad in 2020. How did I manage? Not really sure really lol. I just kind of knew I had to. And I guess I just wanted to get through one day at a time. Sound familiar? But that’s really all I could do. Remember the unbelievable memories. All while missing people that I’d give anything to have back. To have one more chat. One more dinner. The finality of knowing that will never happen got overwhelming at times. But I would just realize how they would want me to be strong. As hard it was. There is no manual for this stuff. Every person deals with it in their own way, at their own pace. Grief is tough. It’s a lame expression, but hanging in there and taking it a day at a time is the best way to start @amazz94 @josh-copeland @shelleybrill @theunsealed @oneturbobenz
I am so sorry for your losses as well. They say time heals all, but I remember writing when I was a kid that time doesn’t heal all, you just start to get used to the way you feel. One day at a time is definitely the best advice, but the reality is, some days are certainly better than others.
With that said, I have also experienced magical…read more
I think you are right on. I don’t think you ever fully heal from serious grief like that. You just get used to things as they are. Because to be fully healed, I’d think that means as good as you were before the loved ones went away. And I don’t think that will ever be the case in things like that. Nothing will ever be as good as it was. You just…read more
CONTEST ENTRY: To The Little Girl That Needs to Know She’s Had Strength in Her All Along
To The Little Girl That Needs to Know She’s Had Strength in Her All Along,
…When did you lose that beautiful, lively smile?
That sparkle in your eyes every time you were revealed a surprise, or got to do something you
once enjoyed?
When did you stop enjoying that birthday cake due to bad body image?
When did you lose your confidence and love for yourself?
As the years progressed, you can see it in your memorable photographs that your confidence was
diminishing as fast as a wave crashing into the seashore.
Eye contact began difficult for you, and so did showing off a “real” smile. I need you to try and
find that joy & love again, and that love for your body, as soon as you can.
There will be many times where moments and struggles will seem nearly impossible to get
through, and challenges will seem like they will never fade away. You will fear that your
purpose in life is strictly to only struggle and never make a difference in this world.
The honest truth is that…
these times will never forever go away and will always come, however, overtime, you just gain
the ability of resilience…and that resilience gets stronger and stronger like a tornado
demolishing through a neighborhood full of fragile houses.
You just need to feel it in your heart that you have the strength in you to get through it all, and
persevere through the challenges that may be faced next. You have to hold on, for there are far
greater moments that lie ahead of you, little one.
There will come a time where you will hit what you believe is the lowest of all lows; rock
bottom. This place is the darkest place you can ever fall or slip yourself into. This may happen
more than once in your many years of life. You will experiment and engage in different forms of
self-abusive, persistent behaviors that may seem like they are eternal, as they have become form
of a habit and a routine that adheres itself to you like the many little fragments of shells on the
beach adhere to your skin, making it almost impossible to remove.
You’re NOT broken, you’re truly just BECOMING the best version of yourself that you are
MEANT to be.
If you could only see…
…that once you are older…
any of the struggles that you are going through right at this very moment will seem so miniscule,
that it will only become a distant memory.
My advice to you would be: just try your absolute hardest to allow yourself to feel, and do not
numb feelings out for too long. There are more consequences that come along with numbing
feelings and shutting down, not allowing others to know you are suffering. Reach out, even when
you feel you will not be understood, or fear that those you love will leave you. You ARE loved.
Remember to surround yourself with positivity and positive people, and positivity will follow
throughout your lifetime.
DO not be afraid to seek treatment or help when needed, even if you are in doubt that it can
work. Your most successful accomplishments will come from never giving yourself up to the
demons.
Keep your head held high, your heart where it is always meant to be, and do not forget to keep
impacting lives for the better, because that is what you do best with your shining personality.
Never forget that the world needs more bright souls and beautiful hearts like yours.
Though you’ve struggled with your identity and wondering… “who am I?”, and may continue to
have your struggles, which have led you to be very hard on yourself, please do not let those
struggles define you and break you down. Try very hard to learn to love yourself, and let go of
all those dark demons that try and consume you. Have confidence that you once held and shown
in your smile.
Overcome through the pain and past traumas you’ve been through, and find your TRUE identity.
No one can ever be you, and there is no one ever like you. So…
Realize that you were individually created the way you are, and if you feel like you have flaws
that you wish would go away…don’t. They are a part of what makes you unique, and you are
flawlessly becoming who you are meant to be. Just give yourself time. Light will ALWAYS
shine through, as there is always light within the darkness. You’ll see that light soon enough, just
as I have finally found it through years of struggling. Strive to be like an older, wiser version of
you, and know that…
You’ve ALWAYS got this…my beautiful friend.
With love,