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  • Michelle shared a letter in the Group logo of Mental HealthMental Health group 11 months, 1 week ago

    Invisible bruises

    I didn’t think it would be this hard. Accepting the diagnosis of *permanently disabled* The fact is, that I have a brain injury. An invisible injury that no one but myself knows about unless we strike up a conversation. What’s the hardest part? The depression. The untreatable with medication depression. The PTSD and the pains haunt me. When I see another woman my age, so beautiful and fit, so full of energy and life, sometimes I’m hit with grief. Why is that you might ask? The days for me lately have been divided out and measured by how much, or how little energy I have that morning waking up. If my body is screaming at me or being kind to me. It all depends. I proudly carry the badge of a domestic violence survivor, but inside my invisible bruises smother my light as the depression tries to take over. My Dr told me that I was beautifully broken. My heart and my brain agree. I just want to be free from the sadness. It feels impossible. Be “mindful” they say. As the tears pour down my face. I hold on for dear life these days riding the waves. Learning to live myself again, and nurturing my invisible bruises. 🩶

    Shelle Belle

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    • Thank you so much for sharing your inner dialogue. I can’t imagine how difficult your life might be because of what you’ve been through. Being beautifully broken is something I’ve heard before. In china, if fine china is broken it’s mended back together with gold. Showing the beauty in imperfections and that it’s worth is still valuable. You may be beautifully broken but you are still a treasure. Again thank you for shaking.

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      • 💜 Thank you so much for your word of encouragement. I appreciate you taking the time to write a little something to me. It feels a bit less lonely knowing that my words can be safe here.

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    • Hello Shelle, I understand the invisible illnesses all to well. The physical and the mental that came from first abuse and then MS. PTSD has calmed down as I work on regulating my nervous system and my physical ailments have changed significantly as I changed my life style. The memories of the abuse are still surfacing and I ride those waves as well. Your story grabbed me as I relate so much. What helps me is that I write, like you, as much as possible as the release of the souls words offer me relief. I meditate every day, sometimes a few times a day and I heal myself with self compassion that was not shown to me when I was younger. Hold on, ride those waves and keep writing sweet one 🤍

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    • This is a very beautiful and emotional letter. you’ve clearly been through hell and back yet you’re still here, besides the depression and PTSD you’re still here to share your story. Thank you for sharing your struggle.

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