the two holes in my face
where my eyes used to be
have begun to spread ––
my remaining soul begins to leak
and I start to smell the reek.

what reeks I cannot have;
what feels I do not own;
what sings I cannot reach;
i am not my own.

it smells of burnt lust and old fuzz
i start to cough but nothing evades
there’s nothing left of me to free
there’s nothing left of me that’s me.

//

the clock turns twelve
i have my eye drops that I no longer need;
so the eye drops, they seem to fall asleep
the mirror reflects no light; no life
the shower shivers; it hates itself
the tv flickers; a bright baby blue
(or maybe crimson red)

i see the Sea in the hue
or do I see my eyes?
(they used to be bright baby blue too)

//

this dessert you feed me
oh how it eats me;
not I, that eats it
–– oh no, not I ––
–– oh no, I wouldn’t dare––
it steals the nourishment I have
it takes
and takes and takes and takes
(this Desert is trapping)
there is wind in my soul
and this fine slender sand makes me cough;
but still, I try to eat it.
it’s the only thing I have.
(this Desert is trapping)

you hold my life as an hourglass with slender sand.
your white knuckles withered, strangling my glass
(trapping my Desert)
so
there is no me;
there is no time that is mine
(time isn’t yours, but you hold it still)
(sight isn’t either, but you carry mine still).

//

Oh look!
The Sea sees me; and I see it too
The lighthouse blinds me; I fall.
The esoteric night sky that they call the Sea
Oh how it eats me!
It’s royal blue encases all my crevasses
While the whales feed me to the plankton
I am not what is not me;
But I am just as much food, as food is me.

Oh, but no!
I have been eaten, but have given nothing;
My life as a sacrifice
Is like a lamb without meat;
My bones are brittle,
My heartbeat weak,
But my diaphragm that’s ripped out,
It is still singing!

Oh, It starts raining!
What a wonderful sight to see
The rain joins the water; so the rain joins me
Oh new life!
Oh how bright!

The rain seeps through, I am renewed!
The two holes in my face have been filled by the
Sand of the Sea
tears of God
And the resilience of
Me.

//

I didn’t find my eyes;
The Earth made another pair for me.

I didn’t get my time;
I made time get me.

I didn’t reject the food, but ate it;
As food will no longer eat me.

//

my bones form together;
My flesh is flesh no more;
my skin finally breathes;
My brain is back in place;
my back is back up right;

Oh what a wonderful day;
oh what a wonderful night!

oh how the clouds blessed me

this new year.