I spent most of my years in high school fretting about my public image. I always had a constant worry of whether I fit in and how people perceived me. I believed I needed to be a certain way to be a certain way to be apart of the community. I was young and impressionable, and there wasn’t a person who could convince me to be myself.

The thought of people knowing who I truly was was a terrifying thought to me, so I hid. I hid for nearly four years from the people closest to me for my own personal gain. If no one knew, I didn’t have to burden anyone with the knowledge that weighed down on myself.

One summer before my sophmore year, I was walking to a baseball game with a childhood friend. Something she said stuck with me that day, and I’ll never be able to shake it. “He [our classmate] is gay! I don’t have a problem with him being gay, but it’s a little weird.”

That may not be the exact thing I was told by her, but it sure did stick around for a while. What was weird about being gay? Because of that one conversation, I refused to tell anyone about myself for another few months. I didn’t want people to think I was weird.

I became more ashamed of myself than I ever was. I was embarrassed by my interest in women, and I was unsure how to cope with that. I felt disgusting and unwanted. All because of one persons comment.

So, until halfway into sophmore, I kept the fact I was lesbian inside. I was in a deep depression at that point, and hiding that was only weighing on me more. I felt a little obligated to tell everyone about my sexuality. Little did I know, coming out was one of the most freeing things I’ve ever done.

I became seen, noticed, appreciated. For once in my life I felt like I was known. I started to reach from my comfort zone to try knew things and meet new people. It’s funny to think that all I needed to do to become more confident was to tell everyone what was arguably my biggest secret.

So, future children, I’m sharing this self discovery of mine not to scare you, no. I’m not trying to receive pity from you. This is a life lesson. You are an incredible person. Your self identity does not define your self worth or your worth in life. Your self identity is the biggest part about you. I, as your mother, will always be your biggest supporter and friend. My future wife, whoever may be, will be just as big of a supporter as I am.

I hope that this personal detail of mine will help you in your own future discovery, Your journey is unique to yourself, though there are others that may share the same theme. All that you may need is a small push.