Marionette

water raging against rocks: molecule against molecule like skin against skin,
my mother clawing at my father,
erosion creates the shore. corporal sand

i’m curious/“what is that in your hands?” is it the tides?
the water is a spray chisel to sculpt my glass figure,
throw it in the kiln/“what are you imagining?” why are you taking so long?

some days you force me to forget the pain of who i’ve loved,
other days you force me to remember the faces i hate,
most days i can’t tell what you want from me.

do you just like thinking about the past? is it so bad that i want to move on?
no, remember that as an adult you’ve forgiven the person you’ve hated the most.
remember so that the next time you look into her eyes, you know to hold your breath. don’t drown.

the current rages against the bed, deep and wide i’m so sorry i touched you.
there’s a beautiful glassy rock now in the deepest depths of the ocean next to the earth’s core waiting to be discovered,
the sea carries out the spirit, and i finally float.

from innocence, glass beneath the surface of the sea,
the waves flow like dance,
to tides, you’re free to behave as you wish

a mask made of sand reveals the shape of my body,
water rock and sand belong to the guiding hand holding the strings,
i am a marionette carved by the currents,
pulled by unseen forces, my movements not my own.

i was in the hospital with my future self as a roommate, he scared me so bad because i thought i’d never heal.
i gave up on myself like i always do,
it matters not to you. i’m my future self looking into the past, and i’ll say nothing because there is nothing for you to hear,

there’s a storm behind your eyes,
just make it to the center,
and what belongs to you will find you.

and you let me heal by taking everything away like every time before.
i am not myself when i’m not alone,
every fracture of my mind makes me stronger,
every tear in my soul makes me stronger,

you always put me back together