Dear America,
The news that the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade deeply saddens me and fills me with guilt. This decision is very personal to me. In 2008 at the age of 25 I got pregnant, while using two forms of birth control. I have never wanted children and I decided to have an abortion. Only problem was that I have so many medical conditions, including a neurological condition called Increased Intracranial Hypertension. I had to have a medical device implanted in me in 2005 to treat the condition by draining the fluid off my brain and depositing it in my abdomen. The condition was caused by the medication used to treat my Bipolar DIsorder. I knew all the consequences of what pregnancy would do to my body, I had been well informed by all my Specialists. I am on disability so I went to my primary care doctor when I found out. She worked at a federally funded clinic that I went to as at that point, I only had Medicaid. When I explained the situation, all my medical history, my wishes for my life, my concerns. I had contacted Planned Parenthood and they said to safely to have the abortion I would need medical clearance, the okay, that I was healthy enough to have the procedure. My doctor refused. She said no one in her office would agree to give me the medical clearance for the abortion, even though I was healthy enough to have. I was devastated. What was I ever going to do? I was on disability for a very severe chronic illness and the pregnancy could kill me, I didn’t want a child. I could not understand why my wishes and concerns were not even being considered. I contacted Planned Parenthood again and they said it could be a clearance from any medical doctor I had seen recently. Luckily I have a really good neurologist I had recently seen and he gave the clearance.
So, now for the reason I feel guilt about the Supreme Court’s decision. When I went to have the abortion the doctor pulled me aside and informed me that she heard of my situation and talked to a friend of hers that was a lawyer, she gave me their number and said that I should contact them because what that federally funded clinic did to me was illegal.
That floored me. I held on to that number for almost a year hoping I would be brave enough to call. I was in such a bad place in my life at that point that I couldn’t imagine the stress of a court case about this. As the years passed I grew stronger and more confident in myself, but I still felt guilty that I hadn’t spoke up. That I gave into fear and shame that I never should have had to experience from having a necessary medical procedure. Hearing that Roe vs. Wade was overturned, the guilt just cascaded over me. I let myself and all the women I love and all the women without the opportunity to use their voice down. It was rough. The only way I know how to combat this guilt is to never let myself be silenced again. To never let fear take over when there is Right to be done. That is why I am writing this. I want every woman to know her voice matters and that I will fight and stand up right along side of her. America, this isn’t over. We must stand up and use our voices, it is the most important thing to do in this country right now.